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What I Am

April 21, 2010
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Man, yesterday was a tough day for me. I’ve really been struggling with my desire to be a “joiner”. I never participated in sports or clubs in high school or college, I’ve never been in a sorority, I’ve never volunteered for anything. I did take horseback riding lessons for years, worked at the barn in exchange for lessons, always had a best friend, went hiking, walking, running, cooked, spent time with boyfriends or family, and have had plenty to do. I also enjoy time alone reading, writing, surfing the interwebs, etc.

Since it’s my desire to help people and meet new people, I’ve been putting lots of pressure on myself to become a joiner. At my new part-time job working at a mediation center, I’ve met some amazing people, many of them volunteers in their 70’s and 80’s. I’m so blown away by their level of activity, their dedication to service, their amazing lives. On gentleman in particular has taken an interest in me, he loves mentoring young people. He’s the same age as my grandmother, and I love talking to him! He recently said he’d love to be my sponsor if I was interested in joining the local Rotary Club. Immediate fear struck me. I want to want to join things like that, but the thought of giving up my Friday night every single week to eat pot roast whatever they can find to feed someone like me, is not appealing.

I also recently was introduced to an opportunity to take a weekend-long workshop that was recommended to me by a friend. She knew I’d get quite a bit out of it, but I was having a hard time thinking about parting with the money and getting excited about it. After a long heart-to-heart with Anthony about it, I decided to let it go. Certain things in my life absolutely SPARK me into action. Some things I am completely sure of. This wasn’t one of those things.

In addition to these two recent events, I’ve been thinking, big time, about how to move into my right life. I am sure I’m on the right track because I’m excited. However, I keep thinking that I need to do more. I need to talk to people, I can’t be shy, I have to do this, I have to do that. While I certainly have to follow my heart and do things even if they are scary, last night I finally realized I need to stop fighting against what I am. Why am I trying to be something I am not, when what I am is wonderful? I want to focus on that, not the other stuff.

What I Am:

  • A loving daughter
  • A loving girlfriend
  • An awesome cat mom
  • A great cook
  • A compassionate soul
  • A person who person who is trying to live my best life
  • A person who is willing to face fears
  • A fluent writer and communicator
  • Computer savvy
  • Artistic
  • Creative
  • Someone who wants to help others
  • Someone who is passionate about wellness
  • A person who is very friendly
  • A person who is genuinely interested in others
  • An athlete
  • A traveler
  • An adventurer
  • A person who is constantly learning about herself

What are you? Are you fighting against your true nature?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 21, 2010 12:40 pm

    This is a very interesting piece. Thanks you for posting.

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