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The Day After

September 14, 2009

Today is my first day back to work after being on vacation. Sigh.

I love life coaching and writing, but come on, vacation is pretty awesome. Highlights from my trip:

  • We saw DOLPHINS swimming and jumping right in front of us in the ocean! They were probably less than 50 yards away, it was amazing!
  • The ocean temperature was around 80 degrees. Heaven. Pure heaven.
  • The. Best. Homemade. Pasta. EVER. EVER!
  • Strolls around down town Charleston
  • Four full days of uninterrupted time with my sweetie

I had so much fun. We’re probably going to take another short trip in November when I turn the big 3-OH! and then we have a vacation planned over the winter, so I have plenty to look forward to, but I still wish the vacation lasted even longer 🙂

Also, just before I left on Wednesday I put up a sample chapter of my book, and I’m offering it for free on my website. It’s only going to be free a few more days, then I’m going to charge $4.99 for it. I was really excited to get it done, but boy was it scary to realize it was out there for the world (which in my case is about seven people) to read. I also found out last week that I’m going to have two pieces, one fiction and one non-fiction, published in the local magazine WNC Woman in October.

All great news, right? Yup. Except today I still feel kinda down. I spent so much time on vacation writing down what I was enjoying, focusing on the wonderful things in my life, appreciating my prosperity, expecting abundance. Yet this afternoon I still found myself in tears worrying about making all of my dreams concerning writing and coaching full-time come true.

I shant bore you with the details, but I will attempt to answer the question I know we all sometimes ask, “Why do I feel great one day and feel like a pile of weasel turds the next?” And the answer: Just because.

Yup, that’s all I got. We feel that way because we feel that way. No matter how much time and energy we spend trying to feel good, sometimes we feel bad. I believe mostly because we let fear creep in and that leads to thoughts that make us feel crappy.

I remember when I used to work at the inn I met the most lovely woman. She was a yoga teacher and the moment she walked in the front doors I fell in love with her. She was in her 40’s, wearing a tie-dyed dress, had long hair that was beginning to grey, and was just so damn beautiful. It was her energy, her essence, everything.

I struck up a conversation with her and her husband as I was checking them in and we really hit it off. We talked more that evening and also the next day before they checked out. I had been under the impression that because this woman was radiating good juju and was a yoga teacher, that she must be that way all the time. And I told her just that.

Ha! She practically laughed in my face when I shared my assumptions with her! She said that she, too, had terrible days, experienced terrible moods, and was in no way a perfect and enlightened soul. Phew. Of course, that hasn’t stopped me from trying to be perfect and perfectly happy all the time. I’ll admit, when I was blowing my snotty nose on my t-shirt about an hour ago I wasn’t exactly at my best, but I still wanted to be.

Dammit Jen, it’s time to let that go. I am not perfect. I am not going to be sunny and happy all the time. But I am happy SO MUCH MORE now than I have ever been in my life. I am consistently happy. Except when I’m not.

Okay, okay, I feel the need to make a point here. If you’re in a bad mood today, the one and only thing I believe you can truly do for yourself is acknowledge that you’re in a bad mood, figure out what thought you’re thinking that’s behind it (for me it was that I’m a failure, nobody thinks I’m interesting, and nobody cares about my writing) and do something to flip over the thought.  That’s it. Shopping won’t fix it. Drinking won’t fix it. A piece of peanut butter pie from Kaminsky’s in Charleston…actually, that might help, as I can attest to after having had a piece over the weekend.

But I digress. We’re all going to be in bad moods sometimes. We’re going to feel like the world is crumbling around us. Maybe it is. But only in our minds. Only YOU have the power to prevent forest fires. And change your attitude.

With that long and rambling post, I’m going to go relax until my next appointment in a couple of hours.

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