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Fuzzy Thoughts and Flowers

June 29, 2009

This weekend I spent some time being quiet in the quiet. I was coached on Saturday morning and although my plan was to further discuss money issues, I ended up segueing into my constant need to do something. It’s exhausting to feel that way!

Through the session we figured out that I equate doing stuff with success and worth. If I’m not doing something, I’m not worthy. If I’m “at work” I need to be typing, writing, reading something work-related, somehow trying to attract clients, brainstorming ways to find more clients, brainstorming more book ideas, blogging, or commenting on other people’s blogs. If I’m off work I should be cleaning, organizing, exercising, cooking, baking, meditating, weight-lifting, writing letters to loved ones, watching educational television, or reading something inspirational. But that’s not what I really do, even though I think I “should”. I feel bad if I’m not living up to all of the above, and I’m sure you can see why that would be tiring.

It’s a stupid, endless cycle that I’m fed up with. My thought that I don’t deserve to be loved unless I’m busy and successful is getting old. It’s crap. Ever since last week when I started picturing thoughts as various items stored in trunks and chests in our heads, I’ve had an easier time putting stuff down. If I start thinking something painful, such as “Jen, do something! You’re a slacker!”, I realize I’ve just picked up a thought that is similar to holding a steaming hot baked potato with rusty razor blades protruding from it. It doesn’t feel good. If I put the potato down and go to another chest and pick up a better feeling thought, such as “Ah. Life is for enjoying. I’m so happy to be alive”, it’s like picking up a furry and fuzzy little puppy who gives me puppy-kisses. Much better!

During my coach session my coach buddy also assigned me one hour in silence a day. So far I have done it Saturday and Sunday and I actually like it. I don’t let myself do anything. No cleaning in silence, no baking in silence. Just sitting. No reading. No writing. I get to think. And since I have so much time I usually try not to think. And when I do let thoughts enter, I try to pick up the ones that give the nice fuzzy feelings.

Maybe you’re reading this thinking that’s fine and dandy for me, but it’s Monday and you’re back at your hellacious job. To improve your day I took some photos at the lake near my house, hoping the pretty flowers would brighten your mood.

Calla Lillies

Calla Lillies

Calla Lilly

Calla Lilly

Gladiolas

Gladiolas

Lucifer and Black Eyed Susans

Lucifer and Black Eyed Susans

Lucifer around the church

Lucifer around the church

Some pink flower

Some pink flower

I’m pretty sure I got the names of the various flowers above correct, except for “Some pink flower”, which probably isn’t its technical name. We were told that the red flowers are called Lucifer, which cracks me up since they are planted all around a beautiful stone church. I always like to say out loud that Lucifer is surrounding the church. No offense intended 🙂

Did the flowers make your Monday any better? If not, I challenge you to pick one of the crappiest, most razor-blade-covered thoughts you have and to realize only you have the power to put it down. Seriously, I’m not kidding. Put it down and pick up the puppy. It will make your Monday, not to mention your life, a better place to be.

Be Joyful!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. frenchybelle permalink
    June 29, 2009 7:23 pm

    BEAUTIFUL flowers!

  2. July 6, 2009 10:48 am

    I also found it hilarious that these Lucifer flowers are planted all around a church!!! You take beautiful pictures 🙂 I’d love to get a great camera one day and take classes!

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