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Christy’s Sweet Ass Beans

May 18, 2009

Recipe for Christy’s Sweet Ass Beans


  • A whole mess o’ beans (dry)
  • Nutmeg
  • Molasses or Brown Suga’
  • A crock pot is helpful


Put a bunch of beans in a crock pot with some molasses and nutmeg.  The end.

Okay, okay, I’ll give you a little more info. First off, this is what they could possible look like when they’re done, if you own a Crock pot that’s older than you are, like I do:

These are my beans

These are my beans

Don’t those look terrific?  Here’s a close up:

Hey, look, beans!

Hey, look, beans!

All I did was pour some beans (maybe 1/3 or 1/2 cup each?) in my antique Crock pot.  On this occasion I used Kidney, Pinto, and Great Northern beans, because that’s what I had in the cupboard.  I poured some water on top, then poured in a bit (a dollop?) of molasses, then poured almost the entire contents of my container of nutmeg in.

That part was a mistake, actually.  I thought the that I was opening the lid to use the shaker function on the spice jar, but really I had opened the entire top, so waaaaayyyy too much came out.  Then I spend the next 7 minutes spooning the excessive floating nutmeg (good name for a band?) off the surface of the water, so only about half a teaspoon’s worth was left. If I were you, I would skip that last part of the recipe and just sprinkle a little nutmeg on top. I also threw in some chopped onion to complete the meal, then turned on the Crock pot (it likes pole dancing) and in 8 hours my dinner was done!

Normally when I make beans I throw in Mexican spices (cumin, chili powder) and tomatoes and onions, but when I visited California earlier this month my friend Christy made beans like this for me.  Her husband was a big fan, which is why he named them “Christy’s Sweet Ass Beans”.

One warning: Once you eat these beans your ass might be…not exactly sweet (smelling). But that goes with the territory.



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